my back and lungs hurt,
im finding college hard,
that's about it.









i love her. ♥

i wish i had some hallucinogenic drugs...

i love you so much!
nuff said :) ♥

Hey blog, sorry I haven't spoken to you in a while, I've just been busy, no hard feelings?

im going to see deftones soon!!!!
i cant wait!
they're one of my most favourite bands and they changed my life!!
this will be the first time I've seen them in concert it's gonna be amazing!!! :D

not talking and sad isnt going to help anything...
or maybe your just talking to other people =/

i really like college :)
its so much better than school
but it's surreal in a way...
it still doesn't feel like I'm actually there for real
i still have a random feeling in the back of my head that I'll just have to go back to school again...
its weird :P
the time table is awesome because it works perfectly around the days i see amy and everything :)
i think monday and fridays are the only sort of bad days because im there untill 5 =/
but i have tuesdays off, one lesson on Wednesday and i finish at 2:30 on a thursday :)
i think im gonna like this :)

you make me feel...

every feeling i can feel...

at the same time...

good or bad....

it's amazing every time :)

you make me so happy yet drive me insane at the same time ♥

i love you so much....


... i vomit rainbows, sunshine, puppies and happy things!!!!

im shattered ¬¬
i have blisters from walking
and i haven't had a cup of tea yet!!!
what's going on???? :O

i get to see amy tomoro after years of not seeing her!!!
glad my quest in finally over ;)

i love that feeling of nostalgia :)
i keep getting it recently...
all of them reminding me of the times when me and amy first started going out ♥
i'm looking forward to winter for that reason alone :)
because some of the best time were simply sitting on a bench in a park hugging each other to stop ourselves from freezing ♥

going to college soon :)
should be good :D

but i have to retake fucking maths and english ¬¬
so yeah, this year will have its ups and downs,
but i'm gonna make a hell of a lot more effort than i ever did in school!
and i mean it.

i love you ♥

get to see amy tomorow :D
i'm sooooooo excited!!!!
i'm never leaving her for more than a weekend!!! :P
5 weeks is long man!!!

but i gotta travel =/
and i hate going on the ferry!
i always get to sea sick :(

i miss amy too much :(

only two more days to go! :)

i love oranges they always put me in a good mood :)
there sweet smell and flavour just brightens up my day :)

For so long
I saw only wrong
But now to remind
It's a waste of time

Close your eyes and see the sky is fallin...

i know for a fact that being in two bands is going to be the most draining thing...
but if one of them makes i wont have a care in the world :)
and im hoping to be in loads of projects and bands and just broaden my horizions musically :)

if i cause you so much pain why do you stay?

I LOVE YOU MORE!!!

im not going to post an inspirational speech from someone who's changed the world
instead im going to post the ramblings of a completely insane man...

Their sneakin' in the county jail, lookin' under the door, to see if the man is there, sneakin' like little children out of town, heh heh heh, sneakin all around the courthouse, sneakin' in out of the ventilators sneakin' everywhere, everything is sneaky up around sneakyville, heh heh heh heh.
Everything that we have to do to get to the truth has to be sneaky, it seems a shame to sneak to get to the truth, to make the trust such a dirty old nasty thing, you gotta' sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemmed, the truth is in the gas chamber, the truth has been in your stock yards, your slaughter-houses, the truth has been in your resivations, buildin' your railroads, emptying your garbage, the truth is in your ghettos, and your jails, and young love, not in your courts and your congress where the old set judgment on the young.
what the hell do the old know about the young? They put a picture of old goerge on the dollar and tell ya' that he's your father, worship him.
Look at the madness that goes on, you can't proove anything that happened yesterday, now is the only thing that's real, you can try to proove that columbus sailed on an ocean but it's not the same ocean, it's a different ocean, it's a different world.
Everyday, every reality is a new reality, every new reality is a, is a new horizion, a brand new expireince of living.
i got a note last night from a freind of mine, he writes in the note he's afraid what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i saved mine.
You can't proove anything, theres nothing to proove, every man judges himself, he knows what he is, you know what you are, as i know what i am, we all know what we are.
Nobody can stand in judgment, they can play like they're standing in judgment, they can play like they're standing in judgment and take you off and control the masses, with your human body, and they can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you on crosses as they did in the past, but it doesn't amount to anything, what they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves, they're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves, the truth, they can't stand to look at the truth in themselves, they persecute themselves, they're butchering themselves evertime they go on the freeway, they hate themselves.
Look at the signs, stop, go, turn here, turn there, you can't do this, you can't do that, you can't you can't you can't, this illeagal, that is illeagal, everything's illeagal.
The police used to watch over the people, now they're watching the people, the president doesn't represent the people, he should be on the roadside picking up his children, but he isn't, he's in the whitehouse sending them off to war, and you're saying i have to pay for this again, and again and again, ive gotta' pay for your sins, how many times have i got to pay for your sins? im getting tired, im getting tired!
The people you call my family, were people you didnt want, children that were along side the road that there parents had kicked out, so i took em' to my garbage dump and fed em' and taught em' in love there is no wrong, everything they've done, they've done for love of brother.

- charlse manson

fuck being mature!
it only hurts..
but being immature hurts the people around me =/

i wish i was a kid again
being oblivious to things sounds sweet right about now..

she knows i love her
and that i dont mean to cause her any pain
i just wish she would open up more...

if she's so scared why does she stay? :(

i do understand...
dont tell me i don't...
but i cant mind read, so it's hard to know how your feeling when you don't tell me =/
i wish you would tell my every single little deatail of how your feeling instead of bottling it up =/
because im worried about you :(

i wasn't trying to make you feel bad
i just thought you were getting bored of me and felt unwanted :(

i know ive not been the greatest help
but its hard for me too...
i hope you understand =/

fine talk to other people its not like it bothers me or anything =/
i no longer hate myself but others....

i realised that i want to collect all the old awesome games that used to scare me in my childhood
games such as resident evil and silent hill
lately ive watched the films and played the games and i realised they arnt as scary as i thought they would be :)
especially not as scary as i remeber from when i were a child :P
im also going to get all the awesome game consoles from back in the day :D
gonna be a retro kid ;D ooohh yeah ;)

heroes is the most amazing show ive ever watched!!!!!
im so glad amy got me into it :D ♥
ive been up every night watching the first series :)
and i cant wait to borrow series 2 off amy!

how do you do it?!
make me feel like i do... ♥

i might be a big loser and a dummy ;P
but that dosent mean i dont love you :) ♥

my independant loser ♥

okay im not perfect
i admit that
no one is.....
but the truth is when your in a bad mood
you dont notise it but you make me feel like shit =/
and i hide it by seeking attention and acting stupid
but everytime i do i get angry becuase of the way you and myself made me feel =/
i dont get angry at you
i get angry at the things i do
at myself
okay?
just the thought of it ending because of the way i am just hurts....
ALOT =/
because i love you so much.

i hate myself
i just ruin everything good =/
i dont deserve you
i wouldnt be surprised if im just a skeletal wreck of a zombie when i get home.

theres nothing interesting to say really... =/

You go on I'll be okay
I can dream the rest away
It's just a little touch of fate, it will be okay ♥

i love you so much ♥

if your not going to make an effort then fine
you're just loosing a friend
who obviously isn't worth your time
and I'm not going to accept your excuses or your pathetic whiny sob story
because lord knows i made the effort
you didn't.

fuck you.

I can find a right time to say things
I'm an idiot and this is the reason why I hate myself sometimes. =/

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."

I would wish it all away.
If I thought I'd Lose you just one day. ♥

I need to watch things die from a distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.

i know he's probably not the best inspiration to have in life
but i will always adore this man
for all the thing he's been through and done
he has truly lived life and is only in his early 40's
he's paying for it now but i don't think anything will ever take away the things he has accomplished and no amount of physical or mental pain can make that fade.

life moves pretty fast,
if you don't stop to look around once in a while,
you might miss it.

i love you so much
and it'll be worth it :)

i hate how one little thing can ruin such a good day. =/

i really don't want to go to france

just spent the last four days with amy :) ♥
its been lovely just to cotch, chat, bitch, gossip, watch films, consume mass amounts of tea and all of that :D
this weekend will be fun as-well :)
I'm spending it with my best friend rory :D
i told him i liked the scooby doos from the sixties so he recorded 2 series of it just for me :D
that what i would call a true friend to be honest ♥

I'm going to france in just over a week :(
i really don't want to go =/

trying to persuade a girl shes beautiful is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing gum.

just spent a lovely day with amy :)
were making the most of our time together before i go france
i really don't wanna go for 5 weeks
its too long to be away to be honest.
2 weeks maximum would be fine..
i know i shouldn't complain but its a real drag not being all to see everyone i care about in a country where i can barely speak the language and don't know anyone else apart from my family.

i recorded my first demo with my first proper band yesterday :)
it was awesome
hopefully they'll be up on the websites soon :D
i really like recording, as tiring as it may be it was worth it at the end of the day :)

i look at the cross,
then i look away,
give you the gun,
blow me away ♥

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.

this hurts...

I MISS YOU ♥

I've pissed off the one person i care the most about more than ANYTHING in this world.
but she's stuck by me through worse ♥

killing
spree
commence!

stupid people ¬¬

i've lost all imagination :(

damn it feels good to be a gangster.

“The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis.” - Willie Nelson

just had my last exam
it went better then i expected to be honest
i thought I'd do really shit
which put me in a bad mood last night
and i took it out on people i care about =/
im sorry.

i love playing the guitar :)
its so therapeutic and soothing ♥

whether its metal or acoustic
everything seems to go away while im playing...

i hate it when your in moods with me :(

my patience is wearing thin....

i have my last exam on monday :D
i just cant wait until its all over
then i can truly relax and not have to worry about shitty school ever again :D

i saw amy get on the "fire limo" (a fire truck limo) before her prom
she looked absolutely beautiful
i mean she always looks beautiful
but that night was just beyond beautiful♥

im generally just happy all the time thanks to her :)

ive been loosing weight :)
and so many are starting to notice
which has really raised my self esteem :D

my band should be recording soon
so hopefully we can get more gigs and so our fans can actually hear our stuff without having to see us live :P

well thats about all thats been going and is going on atm in my life :)
not bad ;)
♥

i love how close me and amy are :)

we can talk about ANYTHING.

♥

just had the most loveliest time with my beautiful amy :) ♥

we laughed, we cried, but most of all just cherished each others company :3

me and her now have full-proof plans for when we die ;D fun times :P

but yeah its been a great day :D

also, on the way to hers, we saw a child run up to a pigeon and scream
"GO AWAY"
XD

it was adorable :P

humans

die

humans are

born

thats the cycle of

life

so live it while

you

can
because theres no time to

mourn

went to sleep HAPPY

woke up HAPPY

=)

=/

i
don't
like
patriotism

and when sport is involved its called tribalism...

in the case of war i would be more apathetic.

I don't hate women - they just sometimes make me mad. - Eminem

It's all calypso.
But it's not easy to know.
You walk around with your shoulders down frowning,
But it's not easy to know.
It's just a tango.
But it's not easy, you know.
I walk around with my horns out now,
But it's not easy to know.

this song explains my mood...

i often wonder if you ever wish you had a smarter, better looking, more healthy, more attractive guy who can handle a relationship, isn't so emotional and doesn't excuse his actions with his own insecurities... =/

i just want you to be happy :( <3

im sorry.

but in all honesty,
i wouldn't be interested in most the thing i am now,
if it weren't for Amy :) ♥

im wierd....

im fascinated by serial killers, killing sprees and suicide.

yes, they're all morbid things to be interested in,

but what intrigues me the most about them, is what goes through each persons mind,

whether its Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold of the columbine massacre,
Ted Bundy who killed up to an estimated 35 woman in the USA
or Kurt Cobain, one of my idols who tragically ended his own life after years of depression, drug addiction and an inability to cope with fame.

whatever it may be,

something as small as a suicide or as big as a killing spree,

the psychology behind it just captivates me.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is more of an insight to the person i am. :)

i miss him,
but things wont be the same
it hurts,
but at the end of the day
people change.



im still holding on to that shred of hope
which is something i do to much...
at least he actually tried today :)

"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it." - George Orwell

i love that quote :)

"an eye for an eye, makes the world blind." - Gandhi.

i'm worried about you....

i really do have some of the best freinds ever! =)
whenever im in shit they'll all be there to help me out
because there real FRIENDS♥

i'm in a relationship

we both care about each other.... ALOT

and i trust her not to purposely hurt me..

like so many girls in the past have..

relationships never usually last so make the most of it

and if it does end

it will hurt..

but it will be worth it

because i can say i loved her in all aspects of the word. ♥

Fucking scary ass nightmare!

I dreamed i was in my house with my family when a bunch of crazy gangster psychopaths came into my house and started pillaging, raping and killing (it was seriously quite graphic!) then they killed each member of my family.
For some reason i had survived as you do in nightmares and dreams and i realized i had to kill them for killing my family, so i stocked up on guns and knives (from somewhere...) and went in and shot them all except for the boss who was counting money in his office (my room!!!).
So we had an epic battle but in the end he shot me in the chest and slit my throat and at that exact same moment in time i woke and let a wierd sort of yell.... (thank god no one was in the house =P)

i hope my family are ok..
i woke up to an empty house.

*implant face into wall*

i want dreadlocks....

i just don't know if i can be arsed to look after them :P

forever...


stronger than all!


i was born again..


with snakes eyes!


becoming..


god-sized!

If I was brave enough to fall
I'd find the answers
But now my back's against the wall
Forever
Big world and I am feeling small
Never...

i love that song =D

i ♥ life
i ♥ my girlfriend
i ♥ my friends
i ♥ my family



even when life seems shit...

with all those things in my life
i have it all.

sup...

i havent been online in a while but yeah...
hows it hanging?

sup...

hangover cure.

wake up..
2 pint of water
more beer (any amount will do)
3 strong coffee's
1 large fry up
more coffee
plenty of fresh air
then to finish it all off...
a glass of water and a paracetamol.

spent yesterday with amy for our 6 month anniversary =)

it was really nice to just cotch in the sun with her ♥

happy 6 month, i love you♥

im just fat and ugly and i hate myself!!!!

fuck it....

I'M FUCKING CONFUSED!!!!!!!!

english today went pretty well =D

i got to rant about why i don't like celebrities ;)

lets hope maths goes just as well tomorrow!

big brother... ¬¬

fucking big brother is back on for 3 whole torturous months... ¬¬

luckily, I'm be in france half-way through the series... =D

lets just hope they let another scummy racist piece of shit like jade goody in the house and it gets canceled... (crosses fingers) ;)

rest in peace ♥

rain, rain, go away, and don't bother coming back any other day!

i'm with you, not them, i choose to be with you, every minute i'm with you is because i've chosen to be with you and i love you every second. ♥

im sorry for doubting you. i love you too.

today was shit!
history exams always make me feel so stupid
everyone else seems to be able to do them and write loads
and the questions are always on stupid things i don't know about
lets hope maths, english and biology go alright...
there my only chance now.

i drink tea and take 2 paracetamol tablets with it to chill out